dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
