Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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