We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
