it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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