No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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