if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
