Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
