p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
