ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
