She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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