There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Let's get the cat blown out
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
