im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
