The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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