i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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