seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
