we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
