Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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