her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
