tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
