Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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