a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
