Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
