you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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