Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
