Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
