I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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