You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
