While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
