You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
