If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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