i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
