my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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