Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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