you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
