life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
