Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
