Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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