i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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