Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
