I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
