I faked an abortion last night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
