If that was your dad, he is hot
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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