he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
