I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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