watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
