I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
