went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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