I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
