Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
