i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
