It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
