I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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