When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
where are my eyebrows?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
