If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
