3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
