Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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