oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
