I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
