dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
