thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
