I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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