Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
